Dating3Ds
This page is an extension of the blog “Dating Do’s, Don’ts & Duh!!” It’s dedicated to music, videos and pictures related to all aspects of dating & relationships, i.e. love, hate, romance, anger, trust, infidelity, good sex, and bad sex. Of course I never leave my fellas out, so there's plenty for you to appreciate too. Suggestions about music and videos are always welcomed. ♥
"Dating Do's, Don'ts & Duh!!"
http://thedating3ds.wordpress.com
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Yesterday I had an interesting conversation with a friend about dating a man with baggage. What is baggage? Baggage can be children, unemployment, an ex-wife or an ex-husband. My friend is strongly interested in this guy, but he has all forms of baggage. He has 3 children with an ex-wife (well they are separated), and while he is employed, he struggles to live independently and pay the agreed support for his 3 children. My friend, who has 0 baggage, questioned whether or not she can handle his baggage. In the past I dated a man with baggage, so when she asked for my opinion, I referred back to my experience.
I dated a man with a different baggage than my friend’s guy. My boyfriend at the time had 5 kids (count ‘em 1,2,3,4,5), 3 baby mothers, and his income was barely enough to support himself. Keep in mind this relationship was YEARS ago. I have grown immensely in who I date, and limitations on the baggage count. Anyway, at the time it was A LOT of baggage to deal with, especially since I was so young. I liked my boyfriend, however I had reservations about the relationship. I have 0 children, and at the time I was pursuing my Bachelor’s degree. I was in a position of personal and professional growth. Some might ask (and some did ask) “Why are you with him?”
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Yesterday I posted this comment on Twitter and Facebook: If we didn’t take risks, life would be boring #thinkaboutit. I started to think about some of the risks I’ve taken in my life, both professionally and in love. The professional risks I’ve taken in my latter twenties, have so far worked for me, rather than against me. I don’t have any regrets for some of the rash decisions I’ve made in the past because I honestly would not be where I am now. I have also taken risks in love, and sometimes it’s worked against me, but now it’s working for me.
Some of us are fearful to take risks, especially in love, because we have a fear of rejection. We are afraid of being vulnerable, misunderstood, and taken advantage of. Where did all this fear come from? The fear came from our past experiences of cheating, neglect, disrespect, and the list goes on. The fear may also come from seeing friends and family go through the pain of rejection. Rejection sucks, but it is definitely not the end of the world. Some risks can be the worst decisions you’ve made, but it is definitely not the end of the world. So ladies grow some tough titties, fellas grow some balls, and take risks with love!! Stop second-guessing your decisions in love for the sake of avoiding rejection. Guess what people? Rejection is a part of life! We all have been through heartache, we have felt pain, and guess what else we have all done? We have all moved on!
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A Citation For Being Lame: Dating In Atlanta
First, let me explain the meaning of ‘lame’ because I’ve used the term quite often. ‘Lame’ is a man who is a cheater, liar, disrespectful, idiot, or just plain wack! (Do people still say wack?) Anyway, I recently encountered a ‘lame’ who is a cheater, liar, an idiot, and definitely wack!
About few weeks ago, an attractive police officer came to my place of employment to request information. In passing my colleague introduced us. Around the office I’m known as the “single lady,” so my colleagues try to hook me up. The officer is a good-looking man with a very nice smile, and of course the police uniform gave him a perk (there is something sexy about a man in uniform). He eventually told my colleague he would like to speak with me, and I obliged. I went to the lobby to talk to him, and before I could say hi, with his phone in hand he asked “Can I get your number?” His approach was less than attractive because he wasn’t smooth about it at all. I wasn’t really interested, just something nice to look at, but I gave him my business card and we parted ways. When I returned to my office, I told my colleague what happened, and the first words out of her mouth was, “Hold up I have to tell you about him!” Uh-oh!
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Ride or Die Chick: No Thank You!!
No matter how hard I try I can’t seem to resist crazy shows like The Real Housewives of…(anything), Basketball Wives, and of course Love and Hip Hop. I don’t like to admit watching these shows because it’s a bunch of grown women fighting about nothing, doing nothing, or sulking about their men. It’s trash, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t entertaining. So of course I’m watching the current season of Love and Hip Hop, which the ‘Ride or Die Chick’ phrase is heavily used. I started to wonder, “What is a ride or die chick anyway?
Back in the day it was a good thing to be a ride or die chick, but in recent years I think it’s become a term for settling. For example in Love and Hip Hop Chrissy makes the statement she’s been Jim Jones’ (her boyfriend, fiancé, whatever) ride or die chick. Emily (the mother of rapper Fabolous’ child) also referenced being Fabolous’ ride or die chick. If ‘ride or die chick’ means dealing with the bull Chrissy and Emily deal with, then I’d rather not be considered one. Chrissy has been with Jim Jones for 7 years, no kids, but there is also no marriage. I’m sure she’s dealt with infidelity issues (that’s a given), he travels often (it’s a part of the business), and he’s had some trouble with the law. Chrissy went as far as proposing to Jim Jones (I expressed my disapproval for the act in the post “The Proposal: Why SHE Shouldn’t Propose“), and still a wedding date has not been set. Jim Jones has made it clear through words and actions he is not interested in marriage. If a ride or die chick has to deal with that, then No Thank You!!
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Holiday Dating: Don’t Be Mad You Didn’t Get a Gift
Happy Holidays ladies and gents!!! I hope you all are enjoying this joyous time of year where love, laughter, and giving is in the air. It is a great feeling to give to those you love (and like), and see their faces light up from the gift you put thought into. What happens though when you’ve thought about someone, but they apparently did not think about you? (Uh-oh!) I see this happen all the time in dating, specifically during the newness phase. The newness phase is the one-month to six-month dating period where you are still getting to know each other, and everything is new. The problem with being in the newness phase during the holidays is people don’t understand holiday dating etiquette. So for those of you who are a little salty your interest did not buy you a gift, listen up!
- If you and your interest have dated for a month: Don’t Be Mad You Didn’t Get a Gift
- If you and your interest have dated for at least three months: Don’t Be Mad You Didn’t Get a Gift
- If you and your interest hit the five to six-month mark: Don’t Be Mad…Hold Up! (I’ll come back to this one)
The latter scenario is tricky, but the first two are not tricky at all. During the one to three-month period, you definitely should not expect a gift from your interest.
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I recently had a very heated discussion with a guy whom I was “dating.” (I use quotation marks because there wasn’t a lot of dating going on.) The discussion was about his lack of phone calls and interest. Usually I do not entertain such conversation merely because if a guy does not show interest, I do not bother. However, the guy I “dated” was upset because I stopped responding to his text messages. And why did I stop responding?? Since the day we met, besides three brief phone calls, he always texts me. When I initiated phone calls, I often got his voicemail, and thereafter he would send me a text message. What the hell?!? Maybe he had a wife or a girlfriend he was trying to hide. When I asked he adamantly said no to either situation. So why all the text messages? His excuse was “Maybe I don’t know what to say to you. Maybe you make me nervous.” My response to that was - “BULLSHIT!” If you are a grown man, and you are too nervous to call me, especially after I gave you the digits, then you need to grow some balls!
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It’s A Small World: Dating In Atlanta
I want to sing “It’s a Small World After All” after my interesting weekend. No I didn’t run into an old boyfriend or a past fling, rather I experienced something that would only happen to ME! Here’s what happened:
Thanksgiving day, Friday, and Saturday I mostly stayed in the house and rested (it’s rare I get to do that with my busy schedule). Saturday night, however, I was restless and I wanted to do something. After watching “Notorious” on BET and getting hyped up (NY baby!), I decided to go out…by myself. I wanted to dance and have a couple of drinks. I got dressed and went to a local lounge in Atlanta called ’Taboo.’ The last time I went to a lounge alone I sat at the bar the entire night, but this time I felt different. I danced, mingled, and “Wobble Wobbled” (that’s my song by the way)! I also met two men…wait it’s not what you think…
The first guy who approached me was tipsy because he asked the same questions several times. He assumed I was visiting from NY, I guess because of my accent, and I didn’t bother to correct him. I went along with the ‘out of town’ story. He even gave me a different name. I told him my name was “Rasia,” but somehow he heard “Diya.” So for the night I was ‘Diya’ from New York. Eventually the tipsy guy wandered off, probably because I wasn’t local p!*#y (he gave me that vibe). So I went back to dancing and singing to the music, and it wasn’t long before I was approached by another guy. This guy was sober and pleasant, but I really wasn’t in the mood to talk. I just wanted to dance and have a couple of drinks. I was not interested in meeting someone new and adding him to my dating pool. So what did I do? I decided to run with the ‘Diya from New York’ story hoping he would wander off like the first guy since I wasn’t local p!*#y.
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Fellas I beg you do not take offense to what I am about to say. Please keep in mind this is all about my preference. With that being said, “Leh go!”
The past few weekends is honestly the most I have been out in a long time, and every time I’ve gone out I felt SHORTchanged. What do I mean? I mean that in every club, restaurant, bar, whatever, or wherever I’ve gone there have been a slew of men 5’5 and under. Is it the water, the food, the lack of vitamins? Where did the tall men go? You’re probably thinking, “If you don’t like short men, don’t bother with them.” Simple right? It would be so simple except it seems the tall men are hiding, or maybe I just don’t know where to go to find them. I went to a popular club in Atlanta, The Velvet Room, and I was so uncomfortable. As my homegirl and I danced in the middle of the dance floor, about five men who were no taller than 5’5, came at us from every direction. It was the attack of the little men. LoL! I know I’m wrong for saying that, but lately I realized how much of a problem it is for me. I don’t mean to disrespect short men because I have short male friends whom I love to death and they are GOOD men, but they are not my preference. Seriously am I the only woman who has noticed the change in men??
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What is the 28-year-old itch you ask? No I am not talking about that kind of itch; rather I am talking about the relationship itch. Allow me to explain. A few weeks ago I told my friend I felt like a dog in heat when I saw men (men I am attracted to of course). If I saw a group of good-looking men, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself. If an attractive man said hello in passing, I wanted to pounce on him like a cat (ROOOW!) In conversation if someone mentioned their brother, I would ask “Is your brother single?” See what I mean? It was BAD! You would think I was in heat for real! Thankfully I did not actually act out my animalist thoughts, but I was worried because it was out of my character. WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME??? Luckily my good friend, who is in her mid-30’s, helped identify my problem. She was straight to the point and diagnosed me with the 28-year-old itch.
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Dating & Football: It’s Not a Game!
It’s football season ladies, so you know what that means!!! Cuddle time and quality time with your man will be limited for several months. Every year this happens so you should be used to it…right? WRONG! Learn the sport if you want cuddle time and quality time with your man during football season. Do not, I repeat “Do Not,” attempt to learn football with your man during live Sunday and Monday night games. Most likely you will have questions, and live games are not the right time to asks questions. I enjoy football, but I don’t know everything about football, so what I don’t understand, I research. Google it, learn it, and watch it with your boo. I’m tired of hearing women complain about their men during football season. What’s more sexier than a woman who understands and enjoys watching football? Trust me your man will look at you differently once you take an interest in the sport. Women preach to men about trying new things and being opened minded, well ladies this is the time for you to do the same. Fellas I’m on your side on this issue, but I also want to address another issue that arises during the season.
